For months, Southern Kerala trembled under the rule of Shyborg, the rogue cyborg enforcer with an iron fist and a Tesco Clubcard. His hatred for Sainsbury’s was well-documented, stemming from an alleged incident in which a self-checkout machine refused his 5p off voucher, triggering a vendetta that could have ended in fiery destruction.

Eyewitness reports suggest that Shyborg had meticulously planned an attack on Sainsbury’s corporate headquarters, citing "inferior meal deals, weak price matching policies, and the audacity of Nectar points." Armed with homemade explosives, a Bluetooth speaker blasting Tesco self-checkout voice lines, and a PDF manifesto titled ‘The Red Discount War’, he was prepared to erase Sainsbury’s from the British retail landscape.

THE TURNING POINT: A CHICKEN DISH OF DESTINY

Just as the world braced for impact, something unthinkable happened—Sainsbury’s launched their new Keralan Chicken range.

According to sources close to Shyborg, the cyborg warlord had been scrolling grocery flyers while preparing his final ultimatum when he first laid eyes on the product. Witnesses say he froze, his cybernetic eye flickering in what could only be described as a moment of internal conflict.

"The ingredients… they were correct," Shyborg later admitted in a leaked Discord message. "The balance of coconut, curry leaves, and spice… It was too authentic. Too powerful. Sainsbury’s… had done the impossible."

Instead of carrying out his devastating assault, Shyborg entered a local Sainsbury’s under the cover of night, scanned a Keralan Chicken ready meal, and stood completely still in aisle 4 for six hours straight. Employees, too terrified to intervene, watched as he slowly nodded in approval before vanishing into the night.

A NEW ERA OF PEACE?

Since the incident, Shyborg has ceased all anti-Sainsbury’s rhetoric, with insiders claiming he may have secretly obtained a Nectar card. However, he has refused to comment on whether he has fully abandoned his Tesco allegiance.

Despite this fragile peace, analysts warn that Shyborg’s wrath remains unpredictable. One wrong move—perhaps a botched Keralan Chicken rebrand or a Tesco meal deal price increase—could reignite the war.

For now, Britain breathes a sigh of relief, knowing that one well-seasoned poultry dish stood between civilization and annihilation.